Please don't make me be a girl anymore

I don’t even know why I have a mirror, and a full body one nonetheless. I hate looking at myself, my hair is too thin, my face is too square, my boobs are too small, and my hips are too wide; if only I could change everything with the snap of my fingers. Maybe I should dye my hair darker, no that won’t look good, I’m too pale. I could always go tanning, but then I might look orange, and Mark might think I’m one of those girls, which I’m not, oh what do I care Mark probably doesn’t even know who I am. Wait yes he does, he asked to be my lab partner. Maybe he likes me! No stop thinking crazy things like that, he just knows I’m the class nerd and wants a good grade so he can keep playing football. Wow, I’m such a loser, why couldn’t I be dumb and hot like a normal girl; oh maybe he’ll come to like me when we work together! Crap, stop thinking your life is going to turn out like a romantic comedy, your life is more like a Diablo Cody movie, you’ll either get knocked up by some weird kid who thinks he’s cool for acting like a retarded neurotic loser, or some girl will get possessed and try and kill you. I guess the latter would make life interesting. Ugh, at least these jeans make my butt look cute.